My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
