Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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