so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
