I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
