Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
