Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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