This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
