He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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