Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
