They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
