Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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