You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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