My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm having to shit out rocks
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
