Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
