I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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