I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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