Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
