Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
