i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
