K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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