mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
