Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize