I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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