Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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