we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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