I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
