Yo dont text me then not text me
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
