What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
