don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
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