remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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