The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
