Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
