used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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