Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
