I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
