ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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