Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
