Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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