What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
