Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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