If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
