I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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