I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
