frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
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I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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