remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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