How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize