Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
why do cheetos always look like penises
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
