please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
