therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
