I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
