"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
