I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
