shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
