can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
