are you so shy because you have an std?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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