Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
