So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
