that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
