Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
God I need to hump something, right now.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize