OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
