she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
