He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
