Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
