Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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